Why do we criticize others to avoid taking the blame?
We have all heard the phrase, throwing people under the bus before. I know I’m guilty at times for doing this to others. It is easy to say when things aren’t right, and it was because of someone else’s decisions. In my leadership role, I have heard countless times where individuals speak ill of others and throw them under the bus. I know in many cases, the intentions are for good, but it also shows the selfishness of individuals. It is very difficult to deal with, as we maneuver through the feelings of others in these situations. If I’m being honest, it makes me sad to hear when this occurs. It is a defense strategy to protect ourselves from being ridiculed, and as I said I know I’ve done it. We do this to avoid blame for decisions made.
First and foremost, we must do better and be better. This is something I strive for every day, and I know we all want to be better human beings. Our personal values should dictate how we manage the moments when we talk poorly of others. I have always known that I should worry more about needs of people instead of mine. In recent years I have felt this internal struggle when making decisions. We try to meet the needs of all, but when we make the decisions, we will have others seeing it differently. We can defend our decisions with reasoning, rather then saying why someone else is the problem or reason for the decision. By throwing others under the bus, so to speak, we deteriorate the trust in the relationships. The most important part of our leadership is the relationship with our people, and we fail our organizations when we hurt the people close to us. We must manage our thoughts and actions first and avoid using others as scapegoats as decisions are made.
Secondly, we must keep disrespectful behavior and conversations out of our inner circle. This is very difficult because it would require us to stand up to people who say these things. We should expect to hold one another accountable for positive discussions. Everyone in our inner circles have a set of values and want to do what’s best for the organization. We must give one another grace when views and decisions don’t go our way. If we are part of a group, we must all work towards what’s best for all. Setting ground rules with our people is very important and I would want to model that as well. We must be willing to have people call us out when we fail this expectation. As I said before I have spoke ill of others’ decisions to protect myself, and I want and expect to change this. Our egos get in the way and make us selfish.
Why we choose to throw others under the bus or speak ill of their decisions and how that decision hinders us can only be described as fear. Fear of looking bad and being seen by others as inferior. It is more about our preserved ideas of how people view us. We must stay within our values as we make our decisions with clarity, but most importantly we must speak highly of people and face all situation head-on. It is too easy to try and point out how other people have fallen short of some expectation seen by a few people. It’s much harder to take the high-road and take on the burden of their expectations.
How are you managing your thoughts and actions when decisions are made?
Are you using others as scapegoats within your organization?
How do you manage disrespectful conversation within your inner circle?
How will you choose to take ownership of decisions made when others view it as mismanagement and your mistake?
We all face situations when it is easier to point fingers, as to why something happens the way it does. We are all human and do this from time to time. Our biggest obstacle is ourselves. We must hold ourselves accountable and stay true to what is right and what we value the most. Thank you for looking in on my post this week. I hope you have a great week ahead managing the conversations and decisions of your organizations. Please leave your comments, as I look forward to the conversations.
Steven C. Bucks- Leading Conversations
